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FEATURED ARTICLES           Thursday, September 09, 2010                                Email to a Friend

First Dates

Justine Grossman

In the 1989 love comedy “When Harry Met Sally,” after consoling her single friends, Marie turns to her fiancé and says, “Please tell me I will never have to be out there again!”

To many people, like Marie, the thought of preparing for a first date can be especially nerve-wracking, even for the most confident of individuals. It can be uncomfortable if the date does not go well, and additionally, it is putting yourself in a vulnerable situation, which for many people is a personal struggle. University student Alana Arshoff is not too excited to get back into the dating circuit and explains, “First dates are always an awkward experience, and can be hard to read. Also, you have to go through many dates before finding someone you really click with. To me dating is more stressful than enjoyable.”

While first impressions are certainly important, the key to having a good time on any date is to relax and truly be yourself. Additionally, if you have a positive mindset, you are more likely to enjoy the evening. That being said, there are some key tips that can help put yourself at ease and make the first date a better experience.

Once you have mustered up the courage to ask out that cutie who caught your eye, the next step is deciding where to go for the date. While many guys drop the “I’d love to take you out for dinner sometime” line, a full meal may not be the ideal setting for a first date. Arshoff recounts having a dinner date once when the chemistry was clearly not there: “It was awful. Even before the appetizers came we ran out of things to talk about, and the dinner was filled with awkward silences. I was stuck there for an hour and a half.”

For reasons like these, grabbing a coffee together is probably a safer bet, as it can be either shorter or longer depending on how the date is going, and is a more casual venue, which can help alleviate some of the pressures.

Deciding what to wear is another source of stress for daters. While I wouldn’t suggest wearing a drab outfit, it is important to stick to your personal style. Also, it is essential to dress appropriately for the occasion. If your date is going for a walk in the park, dressing to the nines would only make you look foolish. That being said, do not be afraid to express your personality through your clothing. If you are a colourful, vibrant person, let that shine through.

In addition to obvious tips such as personal hygiene and grooming, manners are another area to pay close attention to. Do not forget your pleases and thank-yous, and speak courteously not only to your date, but also to other people in the vicinity. Further, do not interrupt your date, and listen with genuine interest. Daniel Shiff, a student at Western says, “I was once out with this girl who did ninety percent of the talking, and when I would try to talk about myself, her eyes darted around the room and did not meet mine.” Such ill manners are a sure turn-off, and will not secure a second date. Also, for guys, old fashioned chivalry such as opening doors and chairs can be quite charming and is always in style.

With regards to conversation starters for first dates, background questions such as education and family are safe bets. Try to avoid controversial topics such as politics or religion, as this could cause a rift between the two parties. Also, brushing up on current events will give you some interesting topics to fill those awkward pauses.

Lastly, pay attention to yours and your date’s body language. Always have upright posture, as slouching suggests a lack of confidence. Steady eye contact, body’s turned towards each other, and mimetic behaviors suggest the date is going well. Also, do not underestimate the power of a smile in conveying interest and brightening your appearance.

While dating is fun, there is also a sense of strategy that must be employed. Even if you follow all these suggestions, sometimes the chemistry is just not there, and the date is a miss. If this happens, do not be discouraged: there are plenty of other fish in the sea, and eventually you are bound to find someone you click with. Now that you have these tools and tips at your fingertips, what are you waiting for? Go fishing!

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