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FEATURED ARTICLES           Wednesday, September 08, 2010                                Email to a Friend

Tips For Valentines

Don't make him sweat on the hot seat?

(NC)—What's a surefire way to close down communication? Put your mate on the defensive. Every relationship is different, but there are some universal things women do – often unintentionally – that drive men crazy (and not in a good way). Homebasics.ca shows you how to turn a heated situation into a win-win for your relationship.

NAGGING
Hot Button: What you see as a gentle reminder, he calls nagging. When you pounce on him as soon as he walks in the door about the dirty dishes/clothes on the floor/failure to pick up the dry cleaning, you end up with a lover who's afraid to come home.

Cool It: Give him 45 minutes to unwind and make the transition from work/school to home. Then phrase your needs using "I" instead of "You." For example, "I have been feeling overwhelmed with the housekeeping and I'm starting to feel unappreciated. If this continues, I'm going to go nuts trying to keep up with everything by myself."

SILENT TREATMENT
Hot Button: Stewing in your anger and waiting for him to do the thing that is so obvious any idiot can figure it out. Meanwhile, he can't read your mind and retreats out of confusion and frustration.

Cool It: Use words. If you want him to come home and give you a kiss before he does anything else, you have to ask him to do it, explicitly. Learning to ask for what you want, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel, is a huge step toward relationship happiness.

CRYING
Hot Button: Men are solution-oriented, and when you become emotional, it triggers a fight or flight response. It doesn't necessarily mean he isn't listening to you, he simply cannot decode the emotion, and it makes him feel helpless.

Cool It: Let him know that you just want a shoulder to cry on, not necessarily a solution. And if you're still not getting the empathy you need, call a girlfriend.

CRITICIZING
Hot Button: It starts with a suggestion that he switch shirts. Then it's a hint that he should go to the gym. And before you know it, you're on a roll, and there's no end to the number of "helpful hints" you can provide.

Cool It: Men are looking for applause. He knows he's not perfect, but he still wants you to tell him that he is. Make a point to praise the things he does best and to take a break from carping on those you wish he did better.

JUDGING HIS FAMILY
Hot Button: His mother is overbearing and his sister ridiculed you the last time you were together. When he rants about his annoying family members, it's tempting to chime in.

Cool It: Make an effort to be kind to his family, especially his mother. A little patience and effort go a long way, and he will appreciate the fact that you never forced him to choose sides. And when you need to vent, call your own mother.

- News Canada
www.newscanada.com

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